Dear Ellen,
In my Freshman and Sophomore year, I managed to develop a crush on my music teacher (because he looks like the 10th Doctor). I’m really embarrassed about it and can’t get my mind to not have any feelings for him before junior year starts. Is it normal to have crushes on teachers?
– The Girl Who Has Crush Trouble
Dear Girl Who Has Crush Trouble,
It is definitely normal to have crushes on teachers. It is normal to have crushes on anyone in high school, but when someone stands in front of a classroom, is confident in their teaching, and is passionate about their subject, it is very understandable that they would be admired. If your teacher looks like David Tennant too, well, then I think it would be very hard not to like him. Students have had crushes on their teachers since the dawn of formal education. When I was in 7th grade, my entire class had a crush on our Social Studies teacher. Having this crush was very painful for some of the girls in my class, but knowing that we were all in the same boat helped it feel less embarrassing.
Even though having crushes on teachers is very normal, there are a few situations where I might be concerned. If you’re having the urge to act on your crush or to let your teacher know, then that can be a problem. As you know, a relationship between you and your teacher is not possible. It is, in fact, illegal, for very good reasons. Know that your crush is something that will have to stay one-sided. Luckily, crushes do fade eventually, when given enough time. It is very likely that when you don’t see your teacher as often, your crush will diminish.
Crushes can also cause suffering, especially when we can’t stop thinking about a person. You mentioned feeling embarrassed about your crush, and sometimes embarrassment can cause more pain than the actual crush does. If you can tell yourself that having a crush is normal, and can be gentle with yourself about it, then that might help your crush hurt a little less.
Doing things to get your mind off of your crush can also be helpful. Find something else that engages your attention. Work on an art project, call a friend, read a book, get outside into nature—anything that gets your mind off of him for a while can help. When we think about the same thing over and over, our minds gets into the habit of thinking about that thing. If we want to stop thinking about it, we have to train our minds to get into the habit of thinking about something else. You may have to force yourself to think about another topic at first, but doing so will become easier with time.
If your crush just won’t seem to go away, and it is still bothering you, it can also be helpful to talk to someone about it. Perhaps you can make an appointment with your school counselor, or even see a therapist outside of school. Talking to a professional who can listen to you, understand you, and offer you guidance can be really rewarding. It may also help you feel less alone.
At any rate, I hope you can find comfort in knowing that it is very normal to have a crush on a teacher, and that all crushes do fade eventually. It may take a long time, but the more you become engaged in other interests and spend your time thinking about other things, you may find that you think about your teacher less. Knowing that there are many girls out there with the same issue may also help. I’ll bet other readers on Her Universe have had similar experiences, so I’d welcome their comments.
All the best,
Ellen
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