Dear Ellen,
How do you get over your Best Friend moving 10 hours away? I never get to see her much anymore and we don’t get to talk as much as we used to. She graduated high school last year, and this year I’m a senior in high school. It hurts not to have your best friend with you. I didn’t have any close friends until I met her. It’s hard for me to make new friends because I’m not a preppy kid or anything. I love playing outside and riding four wheelers and horses and I live on a farm and I love animals. I love Star Wars. Everyone at my high school either drinks, smokes weed, or is just bad in general. Me, I’m not like that. I wish I could find another kid who likes the same stuff I do and is almost exactly like me. What should I do?
-Missing My Friend
Dear Missing My Friend,
Having a friend move far away, or moving far away yourself, can be very difficult. It’s especially hard when your very best friend is the one who moved away. And of course, if you live in a small town or in a rural community where there are fewer young people, it can be really challenging to find other people like you. I’m glad you reached out for help.
You mentioned that your friend graduated from high school. Did she move away to college? I’m wondering if you have any plans to attend college after you graduate. Going to college or community college can offer a larger group of students to befriend, and you might be able to find more people who are like yourself there.
Next year might still feel far away, however, and it sounds like you are looking for friends to spend time with now. I’m sorry to hear that the other kids in your class are drinking and using drugs, but I’m glad to hear that you are refraining from doing so. Choosing to live a healthy lifestyle, when those around you are not, can feel very isolating at times, but I hope you will maintain your strength and your determination to stay away from bad influences. Please know that there are definitely other people like you out there—it may just be hard to find them, since they are not right in front of you.
When you ride your horses or four wheelers outside, do you ever come across other kids your age who are doing the same? Finding other people through activities you enjoy is one of the best ways to meet friends with common interests. If you see another kid out riding a horse, perhaps you could build up the courage to ask her or him about the horse. You may find that talking about your common interest is an easy way to get to know someone.
If you live on a farm, have you thought about becoming active in 4-H? 4-H is a program that offers activities, educational opportunities, and community development for young people on farms or in rural communities (it has since expanded into urban areas as well). Although you may feel too old to participate in the program, there are opportunities for soon-to-be adults to volunteer with the program. Getting involved in an activity like that could introduce you to others who enjoy being outside and riding horses etc. You may also want to look into a local organization for horse-riding or horse-care. You may have to be willing to drive outside of your local community to find other people like you, but doing so may be worth the effort.
Since you have access to the internet, you may also find that you can create community or meet like-minded friends online. There are definitely online communities for people who love animals, horses, farms etc. Just google what you’re interested in, and you’re bound to find an online community of people who are interested in the same thing. There are also online communities for people who love Star Wars. The community pages at StarWars.com offer online forums and information on fan organizations, and the pages here at Her Universe also offer opportunities to connect with other like-minded fans.
Finding new friends can definitely take a lot of effort, and it sometimes can feel like too much trouble when you’re missing your friend and feeling sad. However, you’ll hopefully find that it’s worth the effort to put yourself out there. In the meantime, be sure to keep in touch with your friend who moved away as much as you can, but remember not to take it personally if your friend is not able to keep in touch as much as you’d like. It is also still a good idea to keep your eyes open for other students like you at your school. You may be surprised to find that the quiet girl in class might have a lot of interesting things to say if you ask her. At any rate, I do hope that you are able to find a greater sense of community soon.
Wishing you all the best,
Ellen
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