February 13th, 2014

Ask Ellen: Help! I’m Looking For Love In Alderaan Places

Categories: Ask Ellen // Comments: 10

Ask Ellen

Dear Ellen,
I’m a 23 year old fan girl looking for love in Alderaan places. I hate going to bars and dating websites to try and meet guys. Isn’t there a way of putting myself out there in another atmosphere? 
– Discouraged Single Fangirl

Dear Discouraged Single Fangirl,

Finding a romantic partner can be challenging, especially when one isn’t a fan of common strategies for meeting people, such as going to bars or doing internet dating (although I happen to think that bars are not great places to meet potential matches in general.) Nevertheless, there are definitely other ways to put yourself out there and meet people.

One of the best ways to meet new people is to engage in activities that you enjoy (outside of the house, of course), where you’re more likely to meet people with similar interests. Taking a class in a topic you find interesting, volunteering with an organization you support, or attending organized events are good ways to meet people who also like the same things you do. Many universities offer extension courses that you can take even if you are not a full-time student at that university. I once took a screenwriting class this way, and I made some great new friends in the class. If you’re interested in volunteering, many cities have organizations for single volunteers. The website Singlevolunteers.org lists events across the country where you can meet other single people and help out your community at the same time. Or, If you like sports and other outside activities, many cities also have intramural sports leagues or even just hiking/walking clubs for people who want to get outside, be active, meet people, but not be too competitive about their sports. Additionally, if you are active in any kind of religious or spiritual community, many churches offer groups for single adults.

If you would like to meet other fans, consider attending sci-fi movie nights, conventions, or other events. Some bars or coffee shops offer monthly “geek nights” where they play geek trivia games, show sci-fi films or TV shows, and offer places for fans to gather. Attending a “geek” night at a bar might feel more comfortable than the typical bar pickup scene. Also, although you mentioned not liking internet dating, I do want to say that online dating is becoming a much more common way to meet a match. According to a recent study by the Pew Research Institute, 38% of Americans who are currently single and looking for a partner have tried online dating. When I think about the weddings I have attended in the last few years, I realize that the majority have been for couples who met online. So, it definitely works for many people! There are websites such as Geek2Geek.com, which offer online dating specifically for self-identified geeks. Animeloversdating.com is specifically for anime fans. If you’re looking for more specific internet dating, it seems to be out there these days. Nevertheless, I respect the fact that online dating doesn’t feel right for everyone, and there are certainly other ways to meet people.

To meet guys with similar interests, it can be helpful to just be open to making new friends. Finding friends who like the same things you do has become easier in recent years, thanks to websites such as Meetup.com. Meetup members start or join groups for people in their area with similar interests, and Meetup groups typically hold events where members gather to talk about their favorite topics or to engage in activities that they all enjoy. There may be a Star Wars or other fan meetup group in your area, and if there isn’t one, you could always start one yourself! Meeting new friends this way could open up doors to new people in general. Even if you don’t click romantically with a new friend from the group, group members might know someone else who could be a good fit for you.

At any rate, I appreciate the fact that you asked how to “put yourself out there,” since it is definitely helpful to be out of the house and to be open and willing to make new friends. If you tend to be reserved, it can help to bring a friend with you to an event, as long as the two of you make a point to talk to other people. Organized events such as Meetups can be great for this, since everyone who attends is wanting to make new friends. If you feel confident enough to attend an event by yourself, you’re bound to meet new people simply by introducing yourself. I hope that some of these ideas are helpful for you and that you eventually become an “encouraged” single fan girl. Good luck with your search!

All the best,

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10 Responses to “Ask Ellen: Help! I’m Looking For Love In Alderaan Places”

  1. I’m turning 28 this summer and haven’t had much luck in this department, mainly because I’m shy. I’ve come to accept my single status. Still, I understand people’s need to find that other person. This was great advice, Ellen. Thanks for providing help to fellow fangirls! 🙂

  2. […] advice on finding a fellow geek to love? Ellen dishes advice to the single fangirl in her column on the Her Universe […]

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